Thursday, May 22, 2008
NOISE

12 hours from now, I will be hurriedly dragging a bulging suitcase across Chennai Central Station trying to find a train which will take me to Calicut, where I am sure I'll be a victim of the 'Whine, Moan and Groan' Gods for the next 13 days.

Usual circumstances, I would be excited. This time I'm not.

Traveling with 60 other people, the majority of whom you don't converse with, because you cannot understand the freakin' language, is not my idea of fun. God, I hate Hindi. (hold the comments, guys!)

Even after all these years, it gives me the chills when I think about how I used to shiver and shake, the nights before my Hindi exams. 11 years of studying the language and the only thing I can say half decently is 'tumhara naam kya hai'. It is disgraceful and I know it, but when you wholeheartedly decide to loathe something at the tender age of five, it kinda sticks.

When you enter a college in your own city where 95% of the student population are from the other end of the country, language tends to be a bit of a problem. Being someone who has to know what everyone is saying around her, all the time, this language thing proves to be pain in the ass. I put up with it for 2 years, I have 2 more to go, but I can't say I'm looking forward to 312 hours of being surrounded by that NOISE.

I'm pretty sure I did not sign up for this.

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Saturday, May 17, 2008
life lessons

To go back a year later and peep into all the work you've done, is a tad depressing when you realize that it has all trickled down the drain leading to nowheresville.

Somewhere around this time, last year, I started my design blog, where I though it would be a brilliant idea to use my so called talent and dole out free custom templates to those in need of them, through the goodness of my heart.

Lets cut to the chase though. I cannot believe how FREAKING DELUSIONAL I was!!

When something is free, tons of people come running. I know I shouldn't be saying this though, because I was once known for walking around the supermarket trying to find items with the words 'FREE (something')' plastered on them, and then I would proceed to buy the said item just to obtain whatever I was getting free with it, and then I'd walk around the entire day, filled with glee because I had just gotten something FREE!!!

Requests came pouring in, and I tried to please. Requests for changes came, I gave up my last few minutes of internet time making them. Fonts that were disliked, I changed them. Colours that were a shade off, I changed those too and in the end, the people you help, end up screwing you over and start making money off of you. People get so demanding, that, after awhile you feel so bogged down and the trouble that you go through to do something for someone else just doesn't seem worth it anymore. Bloggers are a fussy bunch, we all know that, so I can't say I was too surprised that this happened. I was kinda expecting it at some point anyway, but I didn't think I'd crack this soon. I've actually been away from that space for quite awhile now, it depresses me to go back, because I always end up clicking on the links to find that my work has disappeared, not that I expected it to sit there for long, but not seeing it where it was just a couple of months back, hurts a little.

Just to make thing clear, I am not bitter. On the contrary, I cannot even begin to explain the amount of satisfaction it gives me when I looked at a finished project. I usually get up off of my chair, take a step back and survey my work and most often than not, feel this spurt of happiness inside that I know nothing else can ever trigger. I have to say that it was a amazing experience though.

I'm not planning to shut the blog down, that would break my heart, but I am planning on starting a new one where I'll be charging for services. Charging minimally, seeing how far a dollar goes in this country. I actually feel like a capitalistic pig for even thinking about this, but lets see how it goes for a couple of months. I actually didn't want too blog about any of this. Lately I seem to be rethinking everything I want to write about and finally end up not writing about it, but I started typing out this post, and now i fell like I have to publish it. I feel pretty horrible doing so, but this is my blog and this is what I'm feeling right now, so I'm gonna hit that publish button and hope to God that I don't get a ton of hate mail for this.

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Thursday, May 15, 2008
Hello you!

16 hours of sleep, two days worth of food and one huge pimple on my forehead, later, I am back!

A roller coaster ride of hits, misses (mostly misses) and torture and trauma has finally come to an end. It still doesn't erase the fact that I have two more tickets to ride this coaster. But for now, its done. I can finally breathe, breathe the air of food, sleep and most importantly the internet. I missed you. Not to say that I haven't been here all this time, oh I was here alright (What did you think was the root of all the procrastination that was going on) but never in spirit. If you've noticed, I'm back to being myself, never knowing what to say, so reverting to the one thing I know best, typing crap to make it seem like I actually have an entire blog post mapped out in this little head of mine.

So another summer at my feet, well, not exactly a whole summer, I leave to Calicut next week for two whole weeks! Not as exciting as it sounds though, its for a college project and everyone is pretty much as 'blah' about it as I am. I don't know why, but lately I seem to be feeling a bit 'blah' about everything. I guess I'm in a 'blah' phase right now, which hopefully should pass, not that I don't completely enjoy sitting around and feeling sorry for myself. Its awesome fun. You should try it sometime!

Yes I get it. I shouldn't exactly try and use sarcasm to be funny, it comes out completely wrong and then it prompts me to type out a stupid explanation as to why I'm so bad at this. Kill me already!

Anyway, the fact that the time is 2:42 isn't exactly helping the funk that I seem to be in. So I'll catch you at the other end of today! Bye!

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