4 months later.

The madness that is college . The 'sort of cute' guy at the gym . Chicago . Not the place, the play . Losing weight . Dancing for the first time . Ever . Facebook . Interning . Riding around town like a crazy person . Losing friends . Dancing some more . Acting or trying to, at least . Realizing that the 'sort of cute' guy at the guy was not cute at all, and was a year and a half younger than me . Wearing a LBD on stage! Loneliness . Devouring six entire seasons of One Tree hill . Friends getting engaged . Portfolios . Apple Crumble . Making friends . 10 Downing Street . 'Single My Ass'. Sleepless nights . The possibility of moving to Bombay . Rehearsals . The 7 day diet . Putting on weight . Glitzy costumes . Not being the perpetual wallflower for once in my life .

That pretty much sums up the past four months. The four months during which I couldn't find it in me to update this space, not because I didn't have anything going on my life, but because I was utterly and completely uninspired. I'd manage to get about three sentences down before I'd decide to abandon it. This happened about thirty times, so there's roughly round ninety random sentences laying around my drafts folder. In case you haven't noticed, I'm balancing precariously on that thin line between 'stop writing forever' and 'stop writing forever, you suck'.

Today happens to mark my 3rd year in the blogosphere, which is pretty much insignificant considering the fact that for the past six months, I've been the most suckiest blogger around.

I plan to change that though, hopefully.

I miss it here. I miss being able to be my weirdo self, I miss you guys (If any of you'll still read this, that is), I miss the feeling I used to get every time I received a comment, I miss how words used flow from my fingers with an ease that seems almost impossible now but mostly I miss the joy that this corner of the Internet always brought to me.

July 6th, 2010

A date to remember, because according to some crappy quiz on facebook, I'm meant to meet my soulmate on that date.

Unbelieveble right?! I haven't written in almost three months and the only thing that's motivated me enough to post is some stupid result from some retarded quiz on facebook of all places! What can I say, the dreariness of my life is forcing me to be a pathetic dumb ass, but let's not go into that right now.

God! I just spent half an hour doing random love quizzes on facebook, without realizing that it was showing up on my profile page even after I kept choosing the dam 'Skip' button. Seriously, I need to get a life.

I've been in such a funk lately. A more comprehensive update will be up soon, that is, if I can get my fingers to type out more than the usual three random sentences that never seem to get published!

April '09

The fact that today is the 30th is the reason I am forcing myself to post, because I know that when I look back at this blog, an empty space between March 2009 and May 2009 would break my heart. 

The recent evidence of my complete and total abandonment of this blog makes me terribly sad. 

I could say that the reason for that would be that I just couldn't find the words to say what I wanted to say or that I didn't feel like saying what I wanted to say, but the truth of the matter is that, there was NOTHING TO SAY, period, so the whole contemplation of how to say it was a complete non-issue. 

There is absolutely nothing going on in my life that is worth taking about, nothing even worth mentioning. I mean seriously, how could the life of a twenty year old be so unbelievably dull. 

It is so dull in fact, that, when I smiled at the ONE sort of cute boy at the gym (who for the record smiled back at me), it was the single most interesting thing that had happened in my life for at least the three weeks that preceded and succeeded that 'not-so thrilling-in-a-normal-person's-life' event. And no, I'm not kidding. I'm twenty freakin' years old, smiling at a 'sort of' cute boy (whose name I don't know, by the way) should not be the only exciting(?!) incident of the month.

So, while my life has been spiraling down into a pit of mundane nothingness, tell me what's been up with yours?

2 Oh

So, I turned 20 on the 5th.

Twen-ty. 

As in the big TWO OH, twenty. 

As in 240 months, twenty.

As in 1043.6 weeks, twenty.

As in 7305 days, twenty.

As in the 20 after 19, twenty.

Yup, that's the 20 I'm talking about. 

The life of a twenty year old female in this day and age is filled with five hundred friends on Facebook, a phone that needs to be surgically removed from her ear, gossip over coffee with the girls, parties, illegal drinks at said parties and not to mention a tote bag full of drama.

Such is the case of a normal twenty year old. The epitome of an abnormal one on the other hand would be me.

I know, that the only sane thing to do right now would be to channel Joey and scream "Why God, Why?!!" until I'm convinced God can hear me, but funnily, I cannot be more relived.

Why you ask, well, for one, I was never a typical teenager to begin with. Sure like every other teenage girl there was the inevitable ‘Boy Band' phase and the 'The-Phone-Is-My-Lifeline' phase and the 'Boy-Crazy' phase. But being the weirdo that I was, there was also the "Insufferable-grandma-of-the-Gang" phase, the "Head-Accountant-At-Lunches" phase and the 'I-Have-This-Compulsive-Need-To-Act-35' phase. 

Twenty days ago, the prospect of turning 20 seemed daunting. Honestly I couldn’t understand how a person who felt like she was 14 and on occasion acted like she was 60 could actually be on the verge of turning 20. Finding middle ground unfortunately has never been my forte. 

20 is definitely a weird place to be in, because you’ve lost the right to scream at the top of your lungs for no apparent reason (which previously could have been blamed on teenage angst), yet you’re not old enough to go out and get yourself a beer (Not that I want to by the way, get myself a beer that is). Its a stage where you have to tread carefully, making sure you don't falter, back into your, much too familiar 'teenagy' past. To tell you the truth, I've actually found myself mature more in the past few days than I ever have in my entire life.

I'm not the same girl I was.

I'm in my 20's for heaven's sake!

God, it feels wierd to say that.

Ooty 6

• Sitting at a random net cafe in Ooty, where 800x600 resolution monitors and unbelievably slow Internet speeds seem to be the norm.
  

• Surprisingly, I am not freezing my ass off and I feel like a complete fool considering the fact that I spent the last two weeks worrying about the cold. I happen to hate the cold, in case you didn't know.

• Goosebumps were all I got walking on the streets in a saree at ten in the night. I expected to get a frostbite.
  

• I decided to indulge the adventuress in me and take a walk alone to the Botanical gardens. Yes, taking a walk alone to the Botanical Gardens qualifies as an adventure in my book. I love going places by myself except for the weird looks I get from random guys on the street.
  

• Being surrounded by shops selling home made chocolates while on a diet is not as hard as I thought it would be.

• Have to run. Pray that I don't puke on all the people in the bus while going downhill. Oh, were you eating? I'm sorry.

• No actually I'm not. I'm evil like that. :P
  

75 - 50 = ?

Well, I just spent the last hour going through my entire blog. Yes, my entire blog. And no, I am not self obsessed. Its just that I've been trying to figure out how the hell I managed to write so much then, when now, I can't even bring myself to string together a sentence that isn't whiny or verbally challenged or that won't drive you a hundred blogs away.

The above three sentences took 4 days to write. Seriously. V-E-R-B-A-L-L-Y C-H-A-L-L-E-N-G-E-D.

There was too much that I wanted to say and too much that I want to say that I didn't and still don't know where to start. That's what led to the "Not saying anything at all" phase. A phase that I seem to have gotten a little too comfortable in. 

Plus its a little intimidating when most of you bloggers, can effortlessly express yourselves in posts complete with a passion that is almost tangible. I on the other hand, like to dwell on the fact that I'm not one of you'll.

Just to completely prove that point, I'm going to do the '25 things' tag that seems to be around everywhere! (Stupid facebookers who think they can steal the concept of the tag from us bloggers.) This is with a slight twist though, because I have done variations of this tag a hundred times over and to do it for the hundred and first time is a little much even for a veteran bore like myself.

So here goes...

25 Things I wish I could have told my 'last year' self. 

(Ignore the grammatical error in that sentence)

1) Put that slice of pizza down. Now.

2) Your immune system of steel? A horrible bout of chicken pox is going to break that down, so don't be so cocky about it.

3) You were wrong about college. It does get worse.

4) The unfathomable will happen. You will discover that you love to cook.

5) And guess what? You're actually good at it, even when you wing it.

6) Yes, being the brunt of all the jokes is what you do best. Get used to it.

7) People will keep reminding you that you are 'emotionally hollow'. Tell them to shut the hell up.

8) You become a serial downloader. (pun unintended)

9) Your year is obviously quite boring, since I'm completely running out of things to say.

10) You learn to procrastinate procrastination.

11) Humor, at least the conventional kind does not run in your veins. Deal with it.

12) Your socially inept behavior is often misconstrued as snobbishness.

13) Read more. No,not more blogs, more books.

14) Stop fighting with everyone. I know it exhilarates you, but stop. Its unhealthy.

15) Get off the Internet.

16) In twelve months, you will fall head over heels in love with a certain Anoop Desai.

17) And yes, you still hate rain.

18) Kareoke nights with the choir will be the most fun you'll have all year.

19) You'll get your temper under control. Are you shocked?? Me too.

20) Keep singing at the top of your lungs when you ride your bike. Its completely worth it, even with all those people staring at you wierdly. 

21) You'll find your soulmate.

22) Don't get so excited. His last name is Inspiron 1520. And his first is Dell.

23) Don't binge on popcorn at 3 in the morning. 'Popcorn Puke' is not fun. At all. Seriously.

24) Two words. Flickr & Twitter.

25) You will lose the ability to write. This is proof.

Get out your pen and paper, Life!

Its funny how its becoming a chore to write. Spilling paragraph upon paragraph of nonsense is not as easy as it looks.

Life being its irritating little self is taking its course and sometimes or rather all the time I can't help but wonder if it'll all be worth it. 

Life, you owe me! Are you listening? Please take note. One great job, one incredibly handsome (READ:sexy) husband, two kids and all the other things on those typical girly girl lists. 

And before you ask, no, I'm not a typical girly girl.

Ok, maybe I'm about .45% girly . 

Just to be clear, that reads point four five.

So, where was I? Oh ya, life's being a bitch, but I guess its time to pull up my socks and roll with the punches. Whoa, cliché alert! Sorry, self imposed blogging hiatus is taking its toll. Why the hell is it so hard to write these days??!

Anyway, sorry for putting you through this, this post was completely pointless and not to mention completely random. 

Oh but wait, that's how all my posts are! 

Wow, it feels good to be back! 

Pre- college blues

No I'm not dead, although I'd very much like to be.

.

.

.

.

.

..

On second thought, no, that sounds suicidal, which I can confirm that I definitely am not. 

And I thought, Hello, new shoes....bye bye blues..

Hey I put some new shoes on, 

And suddenly everything is right,

I said, Hey, I put some new shoes on,

And everybody's smiling, Its so inviting..

Oh, short on money but long on time

Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine

And I'm running late, and I dont need an excuse,

'Cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes.

-PAOLO NUTINI

Baby Love

Yes, its 4 :46 in the morning.

Yes, I just got up.

Yes, I was asleep for the past eight hours, considering that I hadn't slept for the 48 before that.

Yes, my jury went horribly. And, no, I'm not being convicted, I'm talking about college.

Yes, I couldn't answer the million unanswerable questions.

Yes, I was called on, on not being 'technically sound'.

Yes, I felt like crap after.

And yes, none of that matters, because today, I just became an aunt for the second time!!!

And yes, thank god I'm not with him, or else I'd have eaten him up by now!

Love you already, baby Zach!