Of the future, life and of hope...

Walking down the road the other day, I found myself in the middle of what seemed like a gaggle of freshmen from a nearby college. They were walking together in groups, and as I crossed the road, I landed right between two of these groups. The pair of girls in front of me were chattering loudly and me, being myself, walked a little faster to catch up to them to listen to what they were saying. Yes, I eavesdrop. Its a vice or rather an activity of mine, that I tend to indulge in, on a regular basis. It ends up giving me a lot to laugh about but also having to deal with people who catch me laughing to myself in public. That can be quite embarrassing, although completely worth it.

Anyway, as I caught up to the girls, I heard them talking about marriage and astrologers and the like. One was the girls had supposedly gone to see her family astrologer the previous day, who had told her that she might get married the following year or something in that context (I couldn't hear too well). The other girl replied saying that her astrologer had told her that she might get married the year she turns 23. Both the girls were mighty excited at the prospect of their future weddings and were giggling the same way I remember doing when I was their age.

I remember sitting around friends at slumber parties, imagining all our weddings. The time, the place, the clothes, the shoes, the men...we talked about it all, delighting ourselves with each little detail, our giggles laced with hopes for the future and for the rest of our lives.

Now, when I think of the future, I don't see weddings, or husbands, or babies. I see myself, sitting down at the end of a hard day's work, looking out a window at the pouring rain, thanking God that I had made it home before it started. I also see myself happy, albeit the absence of the cushy family life that was previously a big chapter in my book of images of the future.

Its weird the way your outlook on things can change in a short period of time. The way I saw things in December are most definitely not the way I see them now. I can actually feel this surreal transition into adulthood and let me tell you, it is not pretty. I'm beginning to realize my strengths and my weaknesses, and finding out that I have more of the latter than of the former has been pretty tough. At times I feel like I'm being cynical, but then I actually think about it and I realize that this is reality, this is life. This is the thing that everyone screws up at least a couple hundred times. Life isn't gonna be a bed of roses, heck it isn't even gonna be a bed of malli poos*! And exams aren't gonna be the worst things that we face! Its scary this realization. I've learnt a lot about myself in the past month, some stuff that makes me happy, and some stuff that makes me sad, wait, scratch that, a lot of stuff that makes me sad, but I've also learnt, that these are the things that make a person. Not necessarily a perfect person, but a person none the less. And this is the only person that we've got to work with, so we better make the best of it.

Life is funny. It makes you smile one day and it makes you cry the next. I guess that's the great thing. Not knowing the future is a perfect gift because it allows room for hope, and hope is something we all can do a little of.


*malli poo - tamil for jasmine flowers

reminder for may 2010

Ahhh...another Sunday afternoon. There's something about Sundays that always seems to irritate me.Its probably the fact that on a Sunday there isn't much to look forward to, other than the impending doom of the following week which sadly has to start off with a Monday. The incessant downpour that's flooding the city of Chennai and that's forcing me to feel all cold and shivery does not help either.

While roaming around the Internet you actually figure out what a disadvantage you're at when you live in India. I mean it is impossible to buy anything decent online. Sure, you can order through Amazon but you apparently have to pay for shipping and it usually takes 35-40 days to get here. Isn't that sad?! There are so many more awesome things out there in the big bad world of online shopping that we just can't have because we live in a country that the rest of the world has decided that its too far away to deliver to! And people wonder what's with the brain drain!

Its always been a dream to live in the US for some reason...I think its because I grew up with Sweet Valley and Full House and all those various other things that made the American Dream seem like the perfect life. The later adolescent years that brought Friends, Two guys a girl and a pizza place, Dharma and Greg into my life had me convinced that I had to spend at least a year of my life living in the 'big apple'. I actually still am convinced of that. Living in a tiny apartment, riding the subway to work, escaping muggers and eating hot dogs from those tiny carts on side of the road would definitely be the life. But seriously...what is this fascination with the States?! After a little thought I realize that this isn't just some passing dream but is something real that I want and have always wanted for God knows how long. You know that there are some things you just have to do in life. This is one of mine and putting is down here is symbolic of actually telling myself that I will do this or rather that I have to do this.

Please remind me of this post two and a half years down the line because I probably will forget all my dreams and aspirations being too busy pulling out all my hair trying to graduate college.
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Isn't it amazing how I manage to publish posts days after I've actually written them! I truly am a piece of work sometimes.

21 things i want to do before i die...

This list is absolutely in no particular order...



1) Climb up to the top of the empire state building...I mean walk up..(this I know will never happen,b'coz sadly I have absolutely no stamina..!!)

2) Bungee jump off the highest bridge in the world(wherever tat may be)

3) See disneyland entirely..ride every ride and hug every mouse ;)

4) Walk the entire length of the great wall of china..this is one thing that i've always dreamt of doing...

5) Live in the big apple..atleast for a year...new york,new york...*sigh*...

6) Visit iceland..I probably wouldn't be able to handle the cold..but that isn't gonna stop me..

7) Read all the danielle steels'..im well on my way on this one..

8) Go scuba diving in the great barrier reef..

9) Have twin boys..he he he...

10) Go fishing...

11) Learn how to surf..and loose my fear for water...

12) Loose like 20 kilos and look 'hot' for atleast one day in my entire life..!!!

13) Learn how to make some delectable chilly beef..so that i'll never have to go hungry...(this is the gluton in me talking)

14) Write a book...guess the blogging is actually practice for the real thing...

15) Sing in a band....yea rite,like thats gonna happen..!!!

16) Try to make the world a better place in whatever small little way i can..for example..start a free hugs campaign..though i know that i would never have the guts to do tat...

17) Get a tattoo from chris garver..who by the way has a two year waiting list..

18) Learn to speak french like a true blue parisian...je souhaite....

19) Try out every single cuisine there is..even veitnamese with its fried cockroaches...

20) Travel the world........................................

21) Have my dying wish fulfilled..whatever it may be...



I will keep adding to the above list as and when i think of things..till then.......

dreams...........

Stared a new blog called lemon's blogabook to keep track of all the books that i read..which are quite a few...this new blog is an absolute necessity for me since i like read a thousand books and forget all the names and the stories and sometimes i wind up reading the same book again or checking out the same book from the library..maybe years from now i would have actually finished making a full log and then i can show it to my grandchildren...now wouldn't that be fun..he he..inspire my grandkids to read..ya rite..who am i kidding..they'd probably be too busy playing on an inter-galactic playground or in mars or something like that..anyway..cant blame me for dreaming,rite..?? My dad's always going on about how much he wants to throw out all the stuff that i keep hoarding to show to my grandkids..i dunno why..but i cant help keeping stuff,especially to show to my grandkids and my great grandkids..guess this is coz my grandmom always told me these really cool stories about when she was a kid...and when i was younger i always used to ask her why she never kept any of her stuff to show me..!! Guess thats what prompted me to start collecting stuff...so that my grandkids wont have a chance to ask me that...if any of my grandkids read this in the future..u know that i already love you'll and that im already thinking about you'll................